A Bridge of Words: Connecting Through Mental Illness

I wrote this handbook for myself, with help from ChatGPT, to respond better to my partner during his mental health struggles.

Part of his condition includes anosognosia — the inability to recognize that he’s not thinking clearly. For years, I tried to get him to understand me, only to learn that in those moments, he simply couldn’t. What he needed was for me to understand him.

While searching for guidance, I came across Dr. Xavier Amador’s LEAP approach, which stands for Listen, Empathize, Agree, and Partner. It changed everything. I also drew from DBT skills I learned in the Family Connections course by the SashBear Foundation here in Canada.

After nearly three years of high conflict, and just days after an involuntary hold, using the phrases in this book helped bring our conflict down to zero. I can’t promise how things will turn out long term, but I’m hopeful. I believe continued use of these tools can help repair our relationship and let us be partners in healing.

You’ll also find references to JADE — which stands for Justify, Argue, Defend, and Explain. Avoiding JADE responses can make a huge difference in reducing tension, especially when your loved one is dysregulated.

People experiencing mania or psychosis often cannot see another’s point of view. That’s not stubbornness — it’s neurological. This means confrontation doesn’t work. Empathy and careful listening are key.

The scenarios in this book are specific to my relationship, but I hope they give you a starting point if you’re navigating life with a loved one who struggles with emotional dysregulation.